You Can't Just Force Me To Create A Title!

Submitted by BenMike on Wed, 07/22/2009 at 6:36pm.

I recently went out and found myself a new roommate after my friend Lance moved down to Salem to be closer to his work. After a long, intense screening procedure I had this kid named Andrew move in with me.  Some of you may know him as he also happens to be my baby brother.  So far he seems to be working out pretty good, other than his unwavering dedication to keeping his room a mess, and that one little mishap where he neglected to push the shower pop-up knob back down after showering (Call me crazy but I prefer to not get a blast of ice-water in my face when I first lean in to turn on the shower).  The only real problem is that between the two of us, we own very little in the way of home furnishings. 

The day Lance moved out, I went from having a respectably furnished 3 bedroom apartment, to having completely empty living & dining rooms.  A few days later Andrew moved in and I checked "couch", "TV", and "TV Stand" off of the 4 page list of items that I, as a gainfully employed adult, should have in the home.  I should mention that the actual ownership of these 3 items was still hotly contested between Nick and Andrew due to the fact that Jennifer gave these furnishings to them during the brief time that they had an apartment together.  Well a couple of days later, the Television is no longer an item that either of them cares to claim ownership of, since it apparently had a minor tube meltdown, followed by a complete flatline.  This once proud piece of electronic technology, so lovingly crafted by the fine people at Sony, now sits directly in front of the couch and is being used as an undersized coffee table/foot rest.  In it's previous place atop the TV stand sits a sad little replacement that is best viewed from approximately 2 feet away, or if you wish to enjoy the comfort of the couch you could also enjoy watching it through a high powered telescope.

Luckily for us, Andrew and I have both always enjoyed tinkering around on the internet or playing computer games far more than watching television.  Unluckily for me, my computer was apparently so grief-stricken at the loss of the television in the next room that it took it's own life the same day.  Okay, so it was not officially ruled a suicide, and some nutjob conspiracy theorists think that I did not properly secure one of the internal components.  These obviously mentally disturbed accusers would go so far as to say that the smell of burning electronic components coming from the case was a direct result of me inadvertantly grounding out the motherboard from a negligently installed PCI/USB card.  I know, total lunatics right?  Besides, the cause of death is entirely irrelevant, and people should focus on what a wonderful and productive life the computer had before it's sad and untimely death.  That's the sensitive thing to do.

And so, my good foxes and turtles, this brings me to my long-winded point.  Should you, or anyone you know, have any of the following items taking up valuable storage space and wish to part with them for a pittance of their actual value, Andrew and I would be happy to provide them with a loving new home.

  • Television
  • Coffee Table
  • Dining Table and Chairs
  • End Table or Nightstand
  • Computer Components (that aren't already obsolete)
  • Briefcases Filled With Unmarked $100 Bills
» posted in BenMike's blog

Comments:

by Valorie - 2 years ago
Orange County United States
Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 13594

Ben, that is so funny.  Brad is asking from the other room why I am laughing so hard.  You did a great job.  It makes me want to go out and BUY you one of the items.  I love the turtles and the foxes and the computer being grief stricken at the loss of the TV.  I am still laughing so hard I can't type.  What talent!

by Andrew - 2 years ago
Oregon United States
Member Since: Jul 2008
Member Points: 17

Wow, what a liar... We have TWO perfectly good TVs. One that the coax cable screw has been torn out and when turned up to a volume louder than a whisper you get a nice foghorn-like sound that emits from the speakers, very soothing. The other one only has a coax cable hookup and if the volume went higher than a whisper it would probably sound like a foghorn.

Seriously though bring me one of those briefcases with the monies, I'll give you some cherry Twizzlers as compensation.  We can make the exchange on some random corner of Killingsworth(don't worry, it's just a name, no killing goes on there....most of the time)

by laura - 2 years ago
Sandy, UT United States
Member Since: Feb 2007
Member Points: 1506

We have a good old 19" tv (not digital ready) and two 6 year old computers badly in need of replacing. And some borrowed couches and coffee tables. So I don't think we're much better off than you. Wish we could help. :-)

by CynRo07 - 2 years ago
McMinnville, OR United States
Member Since: Jul 2008
Member Points: 36

I just have to comment on the writing ability here. It took a while for me to stop laughing (as usual) Laughing Please Please pass these fabulous abilities on to your daughter!! Wink

by geoff - 2 years ago
Fountain Valley, CA United States
Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 11604

ahah, awesome.  i'll look around.

by Chaco - 2 years ago
LO - aka The Bubble United States
Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 3068

You are a great writer, Ben!  Really enjoyed your post.  Unfortunately, we got rid of any "extra" stuff we had last year during our remodel.  Sorry!!

by Sean - 2 years ago
Beaverton United States
Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 8412

So Charlotte, is your PC still alive after it's, what, 4th hard drive? 

My nice and once expensive nVidia video card died and I just replaced it.  You can have my old bad one Ben.  I have lots of random parts laying around.  I would be really surprised if your MB is completely fried from a card falling out.  I've had that happen many a time and never burned anything up.  Are you trying to repair this PC or build another one. 

I also have a pretty nice gateway someone gave me but my diagnostics have led to a failed motherboard and stupid gateways have 'special' motherboards.  Very hard to find on ebay. 

 

I bet you could find a million old TV's on craiglist for cheap. 

 

Overall though, very funny story.

by Chaco - 2 years ago
LO - aka The Bubble United States
Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 3068

Sean, YES!! the PC is still working.  No more failures (careful, this will probably jinx it).  So, thanks again for your perseverance.  Sean, you are awesome.

by BenMike - 2 years ago
Portland United States
Member Since: Feb 2007
Member Points: 69

I'm really happy to hear that people are getting a good laugh out of this.  I wrote this up mostly for laughs, but also in the hopes that some of the relatives in the general Portland area just happened to have recently upgraded to a 55" LCD TV and were desperately trying to get rid of their pesky old 46" LCD TV.  It's not easy to compete with the creative writing talent of a certain English-Teaching, cute-baby-having, super genius sister (I've omitted her name just on the off chance that she's in the Federal Witness Relocation program, but in case I'm being too vague, let me just say amie-Jay /wink wink).

 

I'm definitely keeping an eye on craigslist, and am very close to being on a first name basis with every employee at our nearby Goodwill.  I actually wrote this up yesterday because it was the day before payday and even Goodwill was too rich for my blood.  And Sean, you may be right about the MB but I tried pulling all of the cards and drives off of it and hooking up an older power supply just to see if it would boot but I got nothing.  This led me to the conclusion that either I had fried both the MB and power supply, or I was too depressed over the loss of this old friend to thoroughly diagnose which parts were still working.  Either way, I'm going to stop by the Free Geek store on SE 10th and see if I can snag a respectable case and power supply and then keep an eye on newegg.com to slowly piece together a better, faster, more bionic computer.  Meanwhile I'll read turtlefox from work or occasionally commandeer Andrew's computer.

by Fatrunner - 2 years ago
Portland, OR United States
Member Since: Feb 2007
Member Points: 836

Ben,

I've got a plethora of stuff in my garage.  It's actually on my list this week to make a trip to Free Geek to recycle.  Give me a call and we can discuss.  Mobile number is 503-709-2762.  Holly and I can also dig up an end table and lamp if you need them.  I think the table used to be Charlotte's.

by BenMike - 2 years ago
Portland United States
Member Since: Feb 2007
Member Points: 69

Sounds great Uncle Troy, I'll give you a call this evening as soon as I get off work. 

by jennlynne - 2 years ago
Noth Pole United States
Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 1355

oh benny so funny....

you can't finagle (sp?) any thing out of mother? hhmmm. see if i have anything you might want that is being stored in jamies garage. if you like it you can have it. lots and lots of cutlery, dishes..um i don't know what else.

so my 1k tv bit the big one huh? dang - chad will be heartbroken to know that. it took his first whole paycheck right out of college to buy that darn thing.

good luck with furnishing your apart, it sucks not having the basics.

by Jamie - 2 years ago
Portland, OR United States
Member Since: Apr 2007
Member Points: 645

Benny I think you're a better writer than I am! I can see that we had the same HS English teacher in your sentence structure and vocabulary! Mrs. Maki would be proud! Hey, maybe she has some stuff in her garage...

by BenMike - 2 years ago
Portland United States
Member Since: Feb 2007
Member Points: 69

Yes Jennifer, the sad news is true.  Unfortunately funeral arrangements are not being made for the television.... not because we didn't love and cherish it, but because every funeral home I've contacted has stopped taking my calls and a few even threatened restraining orders against me (seriously, I don't take "no" for an answer, I think I just need to call them a few more times)

 

Uncle Troy and Aunt Holly were kind enough to invite Andrew and I to pillage and plunder through their garage this evening.  The plan is to engage Troy and Holly in some sort of political discussion and begin arguing loudly at them while waiving my arms around like a maniac.  I expect they will either raise their eyebrows at me, look at each other and shrug, and ask me if I'm on drugs OR be drawn into my pre-arranged argument and point out that Nixon is not the current President and my belief that he should send more troops to Vietnam seems out of touch with reality.  Either way, they should be distracted enough for Andrew to grab their flat screen TV, computer, and any Mt. Dew on the premises and load them into the car without being noticed. 

 

It has occurred to me that my plan has a few flaws, like Troy and/or Holly reading this (guess I'll just have to cross my fingers and hope they don't).  Another issue would be how glaringly obvious it would be that their items were stolen while we were there, but I have this great story about how during our heated political debate I happened to see a one-armed man making off with their belongings.  The only real hiccup I really see with this entire plan is fitting their TV into a Toyota Camry...  I better bring some rope to tie it to the top of the car.

 

So.... Mima.... when's a good time for Andrew and I to come scavenge through your garage? Wink

by Andrew - 2 years ago
Oregon United States
Member Since: Jul 2008
Member Points: 17

You already sucked them in with your first wall of text, now you're just getting greedy. Stealing from our beloved Aunt Holly and Uncle Troy? Not only is that not funny, I am now sickened by the fact that we are brothers. Pistols at noon tomorrow, sir.

by hseverson - 2 years ago
Portland, OR United States
Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 2273

HAHA!  Funny, boys.  Unfortunately for you, the joke would be on you.  We don't actually own a flat screen tv.  Sorry!  Help yourself to the Mtn Dew.  Then we don't have to return the cans.

by Brandt - 2 years ago
Orinda, CA United States
Member Since: Feb 2007
Member Points: 1867

This whole exchange delighted me greatly -- not just as a proud uncle, but as an English Major.  Dude -- hilarious.

We've got so many stinkin' TV's in this house . . . too bad we're 650 miles away.

by geoff - 2 years ago
Fountain Valley, CA United States
Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 11604

alright, so who has the most tv's?   I have 4.

by geoff - 2 years ago
Fountain Valley, CA United States
Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 11604

alright, so who has the most tv's?   I have 4.   One of them is about to be tossed out the 2nd floor window.  It is a piece.

by BenMike - 2 years ago
Portland United States
Member Since: Feb 2007
Member Points: 69

This whole blog has been nothing short of a gold mine.  First of all I'm overjoyed that I could provide a few laughs for the people that I value most.  Secondly I have a lot of thanks to give out after an abundance of generosity was thrown our way.

To Troy, Holly, and kids for allowing us to help you free up some garage space.  I'm sorry to tell you that very few of the items that you intended to donate to Free Geek are actually going to find their way there.  I picked up a charger for the laptop for $5 at Goodwill and will make good use of it.  The two desktops that you no longer use have received the Dr. Frankenstein treatment and will now function as a Media-Box that attaches to our TV allowing us to watch DVDs and shows from Hulu.com.  Special thanks to Aunt Charlotte for the table that Troy passed on to us that now sits in our entry-way.

To Jamie, Phil & Eliot who chose a perfect time to upgrade to a new TV and pass their old one on to us.  Phil, I don't know how you have moved that TV four times on your own.  I thought about unloading it from the car on my own for about 2 seconds and suffered a hernia.  You have inadvertantly inspired me to exercise more so I can someday be less of a wuss.

And good ol' Uncle Brandt, you may be 650 miles away, but I'd be more than happy to cover the shipping costs if you want to UPS me a briefcase full of unmarked Benjamins.  I'm no CPA, but I'm pretty sure it's a tax write-off.

by Valorie - 2 years ago
Orange County United States
Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 13594

We have 4 TVs too.

by Chaco - 2 years ago
LO - aka The Bubble United States
Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 3068

We also have 4.

by Aimee - 2 years ago
Portland OR United States
Member Since: Feb 2007
Member Points: 5646

We "only" have 3.

by BenMike - 2 years ago
Portland United States
Member Since: Feb 2007
Member Points: 69

Do they have to be working TVs?  We now have a total of 5 if you count the deceased ones.

by Brandt - 2 years ago
Orinda, CA United States
Member Since: Feb 2007
Member Points: 1867

Here is our list . . .

1 in my office

1 in Aubyn's office

2 in the game room (one really big, and one small but permanently on with an old Nintendo 64 that the kids still all love to play

1 in Michael's bedroom (used to be in the family room, but Aubyn was tired of it anywhere near where we ate and socialized

1 in our bedroom

1 by the pool (I watch a lot of golf on this one, and yes, it's outside, but it got tweaked when it fell in the 1994 LA quake anyway)

1 in my bathroom (no comments please)

1 Sony Watchman (I watched Mickelson win his first major -- the masters -- while playing Moraga Country Club . . . I was the only person on the course)

So that's 9, excluding the 27 inch flat panel in the Scoobie Van (with surround sound and a great sub woofer -- some of the best audio/visual sound we have)

A bit sad, but we are not a family that is good at throwing stuff away.

by Sean - 2 years ago
Beaverton United States
Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 8412

So I get yelled at just reading a book while 'taking care of business' because I am supposedly taking SOOO long. (my 10 minutes of uninterrupted alone time devoid of kids and chores)  But watching TV?  How do you get away with it? 

by Valorie - 2 years ago
Orange County United States
Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 13594

Sounds like you needed to vent.  I can mediate.  Robie, don't nag, and, Sean, you watch plenty TV, fly helicoptors, ride jet skis and motorcycles, and putter in the garage.  When does Robie take care of business?  Now you can say, "Mom stay out of it".

by Sean - 2 years ago
Beaverton United States
Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 8412

I haven't been on a jetski or motorcycle (other than commuting) since Bear Lake.  I've flown my heli twice in the last 3 weeks and haven't done anything in the garage.  I have put my TV time in but usually Robie is there watching it with me so it counts as time together right?

by Valorie - 2 years ago
Orange County United States
Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 13594

Right

Back to topBack to top

Add your comment:

Join TurtleFox.com for free to add your comment! Already a member? Then login now to comment.