10,000 B.C.... or is it?

Submitted by geoff on Mon, 03/10/2008 at 2:48pm.

Let me save you all some money. I'll summarize the movie 10,000 BC right here in one paragraph.

If you wanna see a movie with a narrator that sounds like Dr. Seuss and won't shut up tell a regurgitated "my woman was stolen by evil men and now i'm off to rescue her against all odds" story acted out by cavemen who look more like models wearing halloween wigs and who speak perfect, modern day English, with no food that live in freezing plateaus, who then walk down a mountain into a warm plush jungle (uh, why not move there?) and then get attacked by prehistoric chickens (2 million B.C.?) and then walk thru a deadly desert (are we now in africa?) and get lost because NOBODY has ever crossed this desert but our genius hero figures out that you have to follow the star, so they go up and over a sand dune and they find the bad guys building a pyramid (now its 2000 bc?) by millions of slaves and wooly mammoths (oh we ARE in africa) yes folks, wooly mammoths helped build the pyramids, i just saw it on film, and then he saves the woman only to have her die in his arms because the bad guy that he just stabbed wasn't QUITE dead, but he turned his back anyway to allow for this extra intense drama to occur, but don't worry she gets to come back to life when a witch breathes life back into her and they live happily ever after.

» posted in geoff's blog

176 reads | 20 comments |

3 votes:

Comments:

by scott - 4 years ago
Salem, OR United States

Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 3721

sounds like a possessed "Night at the Museum" on steroids.

by hseverson - 4 years ago
Portland, OR United States

Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 2273

is this animated?

by Sean - 4 years ago
Beaverton United States

Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 8412

Dude, you were dying to see it even though we all knew you'd be dissapointed. BTW The Assination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford was just OK I'd say. Kind of weird and nothing really happens exciting but it's just the account of the death of Jesse James. Alesha probably doesn't care though.

by Robie - 4 years ago
United States

Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 5180

Blonde Ambition with Jessica Simpson is horrible. She is one of the worst actresses!! I like some of her songs, none of her videos and I use to like her reality show.

by scott - 4 years ago
Salem, OR United States

Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 3721

I have Where the Red Fern Grows on DVR. I love that movie. Old Dan and Little Ann.

by Robie - 4 years ago
United States

Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 5180

My favorite movie of time is Foot Loose!!! My second favorite is Dumb and Dumber.

by Valorie - 4 years ago
Orange County United States

Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 13594

You need to take Sean's VHS copy that I still have.

by geoff - 4 years ago
Fountain Valley, CA United States

Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 11604

no Holly, its actually not animated, even tho it sounds like it was.

Favorite movies:
Real movies: Private Ryan / Braveheart / The Pianist
Comedy: Dumb and Dumber, by a mile, but second is Galaxy Quest because it rips on the dumbest show ever made: Star Trek.

by alesha - 4 years ago
South Jordan, Ut United States

Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 3215

Haha, well i'm glad you said something, I was a little interested in seeing it. Ya Robie, no one is a worst actress than Jessica. I can't stand her, seems like she could do so much better because on her Newlywed show she was fine which I think is acting in a way.

by Sean - 4 years ago
Beaverton United States

Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 8412

The weird thing about Blonde Ambition is her dad produced it and he's like showing off his daughter in these provocative outfits. Kinda weird

by Fatrunner - 4 years ago
Portland, OR United States

Member Since: Feb 2007
Member Points: 836

Obviously, none of you have ever seen "Yor, Hunter From the Future". Holly, Brandt, Monica and I all paid full price at the Valley theater for that one. Mr. Mom was sold out and theaters in those days didn't have 15 or 20 different movie choices. I can only ask you, how did you NOT know 10k BC was going to be stupid from the previews?

by geoff - 4 years ago
Fountain Valley, CA United States

Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 11604

whenever i hear of a movie coming out that falls into the 'epic' category, i avoid the previews and reviews, so i can at least be excited to go see it. usually my dreams are shattered, but oh well. Because Troy, in the case of the movie "Troy", i heard it was crappy, so i didnt see it. Then when i rented it, i thought it was awesome, and was bummed that i didnt go see it in the theater.

by cyclists306 - 4 years ago
Irvine, CA United States

Member Since: Feb 2007
Member Points: 1860

Galaxy Quest is my favorite comedy, Lonesome Dove by far my favorite Western, and proly Saving Private Ryan just beats out the Clear and Present Danger series in the "realistic" movie category.

by Nutzilla - 4 years ago
San Jose, CA United States

Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 965

Didnt like.

by geoff - 4 years ago
Fountain Valley, CA United States

Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 11604

oh yah, Lonesome Dove is dang good.

by Fatrunner - 4 years ago
Portland, OR United States

Member Since: Feb 2007
Member Points: 836

Re-watch the movie Patton with George C. Scott. It was the early predecessor to Saving Private Ryan when they had to use real people instead of computer generated bits to get special effects. There's an awesome segment where the Germans come rolling across a valley and Patton's troops ambush them. Great movie!

by Blueidjode - 4 years ago
St. George, UT United States

Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 7013

Hahah I just saw Galaxy Quest a couple months ago! I must have been at BYU when that came out. For some reason Provo is out of the loop when it comes to movies coming out. Loved it! Geoff I'm surprised you watched the whole BC movie?! That's dedication.

by scott - 4 years ago
Salem, OR United States

Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 3721

Yahoo agrees with you. Top 10 historically incorrect movies:

http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/10mosthistoricallyinaccurate.html

#1 10,000 B.C.
Director Roland Emmerich is usually a stickler for realism (see: sending a computer virus via Macintosh to aliens in Independence Day). So we hate to inform him that woolly mammoths were not, in fact, used to build pyramids. Heck, woolly mammoths weren't even found in the desert. They wouldn't need to be woolly if that were the case. And there weren't any pyramids in Egypt until 2,500 B.C or so.

by scott - 4 years ago
Salem, OR United States

Member Since: Jan 2007
Member Points: 3721

hahah, those are some great movie reviews.

by Jay - 3 years ago
San Jose United States

Member Since: Nov 2006
Member Points: 4266

haha, that review should get published in the San Jose Mercury.